Choosing Right
One of the most difficult decisions any adult can make in life, is choosing who to marry. It’s not as straight forward as people make it out to seem. I’ve seen amazing couples have great weddings, only to have disastrous marriages. I’ve seen people rush into marriage because of impatience and societal pressures.
I’ve had pastors, friends, strangers and non-well wishers tell me to “pick any girl and marry”, citing that at my age, I must be doing something wrong or there must be something awfully wrong with me. In my head, I’m like “is it add to cart?”. One of the craziest things about choosing a life partner is actually knowing GOD’s blueprint for your life. I’ll be 38 in September and my friends don’t let me hear the last of it. “Aniré, when will you marry?” “You’re getting old Ooooooooooooooo!”...as if I’m not aware 😒.
One thing I’ve learnt to do, is to shut out the noise from outside and listen carefully for The Holy Ghost. GOD knows I’d have married wrong if I’d have gotten married earlier in life; not because the women I’ve dated weren’t amazing, but because I wasn’t the man GOD needed me to be at that time. I had generational curses and patterns to break that I wasn’t even aware of at age 35. I didn’t have as much clarity about my destiny as I have now. I didn’t even have a beautiful relationship with The Holy Spirit as I thought I did. I was a well packaged mess in designer clothes and expensive perfumes. I was unprepared for marriage...and that’s what a lot of people don’t realize; marriage isn’t vibes, it’s a lifelong blood covenant with another human being that has a different upbringing, ideas, ideologies and character traits. That’s not something you rush into with just head knowledge. That’s something GOD prepares us for—and everyone has their own timing according to GOD’s divine calendar.
One thing my family thought me early was not to compare my life with other people; and thank GOD for my siblings who don’t pressure me about marriage at all. My life has never been ordinary and it's never followed the regular trajectory of the status quo, so why force what GOD hasn’t approved of yet?!
Choosing the right partner takes discernment; first for your own destiny & life, and then for the person’s destiny as well. Just because you can woo a lady, doesn’t mean you’re qualified to steward her destiny; and just because you can get any man you want, doesn’t mean you know how to help him fulfill his purpose in Christ. People marry for different reasons and the reason I want to get married is so that the plan of GOD for my Wife will be fulfilled with excellence, precision & accuracy; and so that my destiny as it pertains to the Kingdom of GOD being established on the earth in my lifetime will be accomplished in partnership with my darling Wife.
Don’t let the world gaslight you and don’t gaslight yourself into thinking that you’ve missed your opportunity to fall in love and be happily married. GOD writes the best love stories and He isn’t done writing yours. Rather than complain, lament and be depressed because you’re 30-something and aren’t married yet, why not take this season of singleness to grow more in your relationship with The Holy Spirit; to become a well refined version of yourself and to put your hands fully on the plow of your destiny. Don’t let your emotions deprive you from enjoying each day as it comes. Everyday that goes by is a day you’ll never get back again. Don’t you know that what you might see as delay is GOD’s preservation for your life? Why can’t you trust GOD with your marital destiny?
Some questions I’ve found myself asking The Holy Spirit these days is;
“Will my life live long?”.
“What role am I to play in stewarding my Wife’s glorious destiny?”.
“What names would you have me name my children?”.
“What do I still need to do, to prepare myself and position myself to be the kind of husband my Wife has been praying for?”.
“How can I be more loving, more patient, more kind, more tolerant, more forgiving, more endearing, more available to my Wife, my children and our family”.
“What would You need me to do, while I’m patiently waiting for my Wife?”.
“How can I love You more, LORD, now that all my focus is on You? How can I serve Your cause more effectively and efficiently, LORD?”.
...Until we realize that marriage is about two whole people coming together as one and not two halves, we’d always feel like we need a spouse feel complete; and that just makes us have unrealistic expectations about marriage and unintentionally put too much pressure on another human being, who’s also trying to figure out their life. Until we realize that there’s a divine purpose for marriage, we’d keep pursuing marriage with our limited mindset, rather than GOD’s perfect blueprint for marriage.
I can’t wait to get married and I’m so looking forward to meeting my Wife. But until then, I’m going to enjoy everyday with The Holy Ghost, with my friends and with my family because life’s so much more than just getting married. A wholesome life is one filled with the Love of GOD in every area of our lives; and that’s what keeps me going strong everyday, unperturbed by what anyone has to say, respectfully. The only opinion that matters to me right now, is that of The Holy Spirit; and when He says it’s time, I won’t have to “force” anything. It’ll happen just as GOD has said it would ☺️.
— With Love, From Love 💖
Side Note:
Father, please teach me to steward my Wife's destiny. Teach me to always treat her with love, with honour, with respect, with reverence and with compassion. May pride not get the best of me and may my life reflect your love, always 🙏🏽
Amennn
May we be prepared for the one God is preparing for us.
This is beautifull🥺 wow!